Sir Charge's Crusades and Escapades
by Charge the Cat
Summary: Sir Charge is fighting the Crusades and dealing with the four knights under his command. However, he soon is on a treasure hunt for one of the most important artifacts of all time. It's a race against the enemy to get to the sacred treasure first! Rated K


_**Date: 5/5/10**_

_**Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada, North America, Planet Earth, The Solar System, The Milky Way, The Universe.**_

_**Message has been decoded for your reading enjoyment:**_

**Hello, fellow writers and readers!**

**I am writing this story based on an argument I had with my dad about whether Christianity had done anything stupid in its history. My dad insisted that Christianity hadn't done a single stupid thing, but when I pointed this out, he couldn't argue for or against. That gave me an idea, which evolved into this.**

**Being a devout Anglican, this will be a comedic Christian flick pointing out both the good's and bad's of the Crusades. **

**It will centre on Sir Charge the Valiant trying to a long-lost artifact, all while trying to fight the Crusades and keep his mental sanity in check as he deals with the four knights under his command.**

**There will be no graphic violence or gore in this story, as I want to keep it K-rated and funny.**

**I do not want to appear racist in a K-rated flick, so if I accidentally write something that offends a religion, yell at me about it in a review and I will re-type and re-post the chapter.**

**Now, as I quite enjoy saying…**

**ON WITH THE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Far out in the middle of the Arabian Desert, a sandstone ridge stood. The ridge was several dozen times the size of a man, and ended with a sheer drop to the waiting rocks below. Few, if any, men had stood on top of the ridge. Many men had passed it, but none bothered to climb it. However, today, the ridge was occupied. Not only on top, but also in front of it stood a great army, tens of thousands strong. Standing on top of the ridge was their leader.

Sir Charge the Valiant stared, pleased, down at the army in front of him. The archers were his finest, picked from the ranks by the great knight himself. The foot soldiers were specially trained to fight in all conditions. His loyal, but lower, knights stood beside their horses, waiting for the order to move the massive army to their next target. The proud banners of a thunderstorm on a green background fluttered in the violent desert breeze.

Sir Charge chuckled to himself and gripped his sword tighter. The sword, named Thunder, was of great quality. The hilt was of great quality and detail, the pommel a silver cat head with emeralds for eyes and it's open mouth holding a ruby, the grip a carefully crafted piece of gold, inlaid with lines of polished peridot. The cross-guard was made of solid silver; it's ends holding a small diamond each. The blade was long, made of steel, inlaid with Latin text, reading _Victum polus quod supremus_ (The conqueror of the heavens and above). Yet, it had no edge, for any gore and blood associated with an edge would most certainly raise the ratings of the story. It was also not one of those ridiculous talking swords of legend. The scabbard of this sword was made of green leather inlaid with cunning streaks of gold.

The knight himself was in his full armor. The armor was like any regular knight's armor, , minus the inlaid gold, with a belt with his scabbard and a dagger, a small slot for his tail, and armor on his arms, legs, groins and neck. None of it was impressive, except for the chest plate. The chest plate bore a massive green cross on a white background, the symbol of Christ and the Crusades, which Sir Charge fought for.

However, the most detailed part of his armor was his helmet. The helmet itself was basic, there were holes for his ears to stick through, the visor could move up and down, and be kept up with a small hook that prevented the visor from clanging closed whenever the knight moved his head, as it currently was, surveying his army. A green crest covered the top of the helmet, signifying Charge's importance to his men. However, the visor was beautifully inlaid with black diamonds emeralds so that when it was closed, it looked like a pair of cat's eyes were staring at his opponents, earning him his other, less important name, Charge the Cat.

Finally, we move onto his shield. It was a large rectangular shield, crafted cleverly so that it was as light and as strong as possible.

The creator had told Charge it was called carbon fiber, whatever the heck that meant.

Anyways, the shield's crest was the most important. It showed a dark grey thunderstorm, hovering over an army of crusaders, protecting the army from its enemies.

That was how he got his favorite nickname among his rivals and enemies: Sir Charge, the Bringer of Storms.

Anyways, the knight, satisfied with his inspection, turned and jogged down the ridge, metal clanking. Only a few meters away stood his loyal knights, Sir Sonic, Sir Knuckles, Sir Silver and Sir Shadow.

Sir Sonic carried himself with an air of cocky determination. He always rode as fast as he could into battle, blue armor shining, earning him the nickname The Blue Blur. His sword was inlaid with gold and sapphires and was named Windcutter. His banner was one of a sea-blue hedgehog with large black and white eyes against a navy background. His helmet was designed to allow his quills to stick out of the back of his head.

Sir Knuckles was one of Charge's strongest knights, but not the brightest. He always went head-on for the enemy, regardless of orders, therefore giving himself the nickname Reckless Red. His sword was long, with a large inlaid ruby on its pommel, and was named Sandstorm. His banner was a red echidna against a red background. His helmet only covered the top of his head, the remainder uncovered and exposed to the blazing desert sun.

Sir Silver was the most technical of the army's commanders. As a rule, he always thought deeply about the move he would be ordered to make, before executing it. A basic silver sword was his weapon of choice, aptly named Mindbender. His banner; one of a silver hedgehog before a white background. His helmet was not unlike Sir Sonic's in its design, except for it's large white crest in the middle of it.

Sir Shadow was the most distant, yet most innovative of Charge's knights, never truly following orders without tweaking them to suit his needs. His weapon was a dark gray sword with red streaks along the edges, going by the name of Chaos. He had a black hedgehog with red quill highlights with a black background on his banner. His helmet was like his fellow hedgehog's, excepting the red visor.

Sir Charge was finally reaching the sandy ground when his foot caught a small rocky ridge that had literally popped up out of nowhere. He fell, however, years of training had prepared for anything. Tucking in his head, he angled his fall so that he was falling towards his shoulder. At the same time, his gloved hands guided him towards the ground. He rolled over his shoulder, his feet landing with practiced ease and his hands pushing himself back up to his feet. Once again standing straight and looking his knights in the eye, seeing respect and awe for pulling off such an epic break fall, with armor on to boot.

That is, he _was_ looking them in the eye, until something fell with a clang and restricted his vision of the tops of their helmets.

To roars of laughter, he pulled up the visor, exasperated, hooked it into place, and looked at his four knights rolling around on the ground, crying with laughter.

If they weren't his only companions on this trip, and they hadn't paid big bucks to get into it, he would throw them out of the story right then and there.

Finally, after a minute of non-stop laughing, he finally grew tired of their long, pointless hysterics festival.

"SHUT UP!!!" he yelled at them, kicking sand in their faces.

All of them immediately stood up, wiping their eyes to remove the tears and sand from their eyes, still chuckling at the vision of their friend's visor clanging over his eyes.

Sir Charge sighed and spoke in his best English accent; "I honestly can't figure out why I let YOU lot come into my story as knights. I should have made you all foot soldiers and archers. But it's too late to go back on that now."

The four knights looked slightly relieved.

"BUT, there will be rules that you WILL follow in order to stay in this story and get paid!!!" Sir Charge continued triumphantly.

The four knights immediately became nervous again instantly.

Charge turned and took a few steps to the right before pausing in front of Shadow and firmly saying:

"Rule Number One: You will address me as Sir Charge and only that. Is that understood?"

The four responded in unison, "Yes, Sir Charge!"

Charge turned and walked a step before turning to Silver

"Rule Number Two: You four are responsible for you own actions in this story. That includes military blunders, Chao-riding accidents and anything that you yourselves have caused. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Sir Charge!"

Charge walked over to Knuckles and said:

"Rule Number Three: You do everything I say and that means _anything._ Is that understood?"

"Yes, Sir Charge." was the unenthusiastic reply.

Charge continued to Sonic and gave his last rule:

"Rule Number Four: There is to be _absolutely no _21st century technology used without my permission. That means no cell phones, IPod's, TV's, Internet, cars, tanks, guns or anything outside this time period. However, you may keep any books that you brought with you from the future. I will now authorize a plot hole to collect your 21st century belongings and return them to your time."

With that, a gaping, swirling hole opened up in the air behind Charge. It was similar in appearance to a black hole; however, it was white with swirling, unreadable text moving about within it.

"Sir Sonic, you're first." Sir Charge ordered, stepping to the side.

The blue knight stepped forward and casually tossed his IPod, PSP, Blackberry Storm and Bluetooth into the swirling hole.

The hole accepted each object with a "NOM!" that appeared above the hole as each item was being tossed in. After it was finished, a large "BURP!" appeared above the hole.

Next up was Sir Knuckles, who tossed in his IPod, Nintendo DS, and Samsung Solstice into the hungry hole

Sir Silver stepped forward and tossed in his IPod and his Motorola Droid.

Sir Shadow came last, tossing in his IPhone, IPad and PSP Go.

However, as he was stepping away, Sir Charge cleared his throat and extended a gloved hand towards the dark knight.

"Sir Shadow, the guns, if you please." was the request in the light tone that the senior knight used.

Sir Shadow stared at the green knight with pure fury in his eyes, but nonetheless, he stepped forward and threw two M-4 carbines into the hole.

Before he could turn away, Sir Charge quietly said, "ALL of the guns, Sir Shadow."

Shadow froze, before reluctantly tossing in two 9mm handguns, a dozen assault rifles, a RPG and a half-dozen missile systems.

With that, the plot hole faded back out of the story with a faint sucking sound.

Once the muttering ebony and red hedgehog had returned to his spot, a green hedgehog messenger arrived, out of breath.

"Sire, there is someone here to see you! They say they have something important to tell you about a long-lost artifact or something."

Charge listened to this, contemplated it for a moment, and then turned to the hedgehog and replied, "Very well, see them to my tent. Tell the guards to allow no one besides my knights, the blacksmith and me to enter, on penalty of tomatoes being forced on their noses."

The messenger gulped to hear this; there was no worse punishment than having a giant tomato on your nose that made you look like a clown and having your friends laugh at you for an entire day, before nodding and sprinting off down the hill.

Sir Charge turned to his fellow knights.

"Shall we, gentlemen?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

The four gentlemen in question hesitated, looked at one another, shrugging and nodding, turning back to their leader.

Charge smirked "Then let's get going!"

With that, he sprinted off down the hill.

The four knights heaved out a collective sigh before following the knight down the slope to the waiting army, unaware of the spy that watched their every move.

**And done!**

**I would like to put out that I am more than happy to include OC's in this story. **

**Just reply with the following info in your review:**

_**Name:**_

_**Age:**_

_**Warrior(Yes/No):**_

_**Theme song:**_

_**Physical des:**_

_**Armor des:**_

_**Weapon Name/des:**_

_**Banner des: **_

**I am not sexist, and I will allow female knights to be in this story if desired.**

**Because this is set in a real-life event, ABSOLOUTLY NO powers will be allowed. **

**I promise that any OC that is sent in will be used in upcoming chapters.**

**Oh, and 1,000,000,000,000 dollars to anyone who guesses what the artifact is!**

**I hope everyone liked this story!**

**See you in Chapter Two**


End file.
